Alligator Policy

On Wednesday, June 15, 2016, a 2-year-old boy was seized and dragged underwater by an alligator outside a Walt Disney Resort hotel in Orlando, Florida, disappearing for many hours. The toddler was later found dead.

The boy and his family were attending an outdoor movie at the resort when he wandered into a nearby lagoon and was attacked. His parents jumped in and tried to open the gator’s jaws, but it escaped.

This is clearly an horrific tragedy, and we pray for the parents of the deceased, but make no mistake: Disney, the city, the county, the state, and the nation must resist any calls by those on the left for a change in policy.

So-called “sensible safety measures” are anything but. Suggestions to move the outdoor movie night elsewhere, away from the lagoon? Misguided notions of building fences to protect movie night? Nonsense.

Alligators will always be able to attack movie night. That is alligator nature. When you really think about it, alligators need to change, not human social policy. This is an alligator problem — meaning, the problem is alligators and the choices they make. Alligators may need access to better mental health care, but they still have Constitutional rights. And besides, more people die from other causes than alligator attacks, so why bother trying to reduce this particular death toll?

Don’t believe the liberal media when they tell you about other movie nights that are “safe” from alligators because they “changed course.” Sure, alligators have immense difficulty ripping toddlers to bloody shreds when movie night is protected with a fence or at a location far from the lagoons, and there are therefore far fewer toddlers devoured by alligators at those places, but some alligators — the most vicious and determined alligators — will always find a way. They will scale that fence. They will march across that golf course, as recently captured on video. They will find movie night, and they will unleash terror.

Any thinking person knows that if you can only reduce alligator movie night attacks, rather than eliminate them entirely, there is no justification for meaningful action. Regulations, because they do not work perfectly, do not work at all. There is simply nothing Disney or the government could do to actually stop alligator attacks on movie night. Putting obstacles in alligators’ paths will only reduce casualties. Nothing should be done, because nothing can be done.

One cannot stress this enough: NO POLICY CHANGE.

Well, perhaps one. In reality, as counterintuitive as this may sound to thoughtless liberals, the solution to movie night attacks is more alligators. Not irresponsible alligators, obviously, but responsible citizen-alligators. No laws will keep our children safe from the irresponsible, criminal alligators, so our only choice is trained, domesticated alligators to fight off the bad alligators.

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